Groups > The Challenges of Being Single!

The key here, IMHO, is intuition, instinct and going with your got reaction. How often do we hear people say they should have relied on their gut instinct, that there was a problem, but they chose to ignore it in the hope it would go away. Nothing goes away. Tomorrow may look brighter, but the issue is still there, masked by one's willingness to ignore the problem. Here's how I handle some issues.

Tomorrow is always sunny someplace. My head is clear, my mind is clear, I analyze the issue/problem, look at it both logically and intuitively and then go with my gut instinct. Works for me. Probably does not work for anyone else, but then I'm not everyone am I.

I agree. I was very young when I met my ex (15 yrs). I guess at 15 I should have been responsible for my own actions, but this was a lesson that I learned as I went. I established complete trust and my ex wanted it that way. We divorced after 21 1/2 years of marriage. Even with formal education (many classes in psychology), I never noticed "red flags" in my own marriage. I have always been a very trusting person and have established very close friendships (one is over 30 years long), but I was blown out of the water by my ex. I scramble now to see where I went wrong and what I didn't see. I don't believe I am repeating the same patterns. I also know that my current relationship is not similar at all. I do believe I avoid these "types" of people, but the "sly like a fox" kind can be tricky. Thanks for responding. I hope this makes sense. I truly would like to learn from this.

Examples of his lure were love notes (a lot) that said things like "No man could ever love a woman more." He always told me I was beautiful. He craved being close to me. Where are the signs?

I married a man 8 years ago that was such a good con man I described him as the type that should be on an Oprah show from prison. He was the most charismatic, kind, loving man while we dated. (Or was he) Very attentive, treated his mom well(another story there). I am blessed to be alive because of the horrible acts he committed. I won't bore everyone here with the details, but I ask that you check out the website I refer to in my profile. My counselor told me he is a pathological narcissist and liar with borderline personality disorder. possibly a sociopath. I was more concerned with who I was to have chosen someone like this. I learned a lot about how amazingly good these personality types are at conning, even conning the professionals they are pushed into seeing by other people. I still am not bitter and I have only God to thank for that.

Yes! You do understand. I added more to my post.

I am sorry that you went through something similar.

mmm hitler, bundy,and a bunch of other sociopaths all were to have said to be pleasant people. I saw on Discovery (?) channel that there are many ,like 1 out of 100 that have that personality disorder, not all end up being serial killers, some end up on wall street, ceo's, con artist's , they just can't understand another's pain or be compassionate. Most understand Moral Standards and function well w/i society, some don't.

Now, excluding the previous personalities, I feel that a big part of the problem in relationships, from my own observations and experience, I DON"T HAVE ANYTRAINING HERE FOLKS, NON-PROFESSIONAL OKAY?, is we become so Acclimated to those closet to us. We don't see them, hear them or "Listen" to them (recall my topic??) and then their Value becomes less, or we don't appreciate them the way we did in the beginning. Then it's okay to be just a bit disrespectful, or less attentive. Less Giving. Employer-employee, wife-husband/husband-wife, SO-SO, God and I...I begin to take "Stuff" for Granted. Love, SEX, dinner, Blessings, what ever. Familiarity breeds contempt. I TRY SO HARD to allow it to Strengthen my Love.

" Pay Attention to the Details Mikey, so that my Many Blessings my never spoil me and be taken from me"

I couldn't have put this any better. You hit the nail on the head.

Damn girl were you married to my husband? Just kidding MT. But you describe him to a T.