Leaving TBD?

Good question--I got a pm from a fellow tbd'r who said she was leaving. I'm sorry to see her go as I consider her a friend but we'll continue to pm. Others are leaving as well.

Some threads aren't as friendly as others. In fact, some get downright mean & nasty--this could be a reason.

Usually most tbd threads & discussions are enjoyable places to interact. Some get a little tense now and then but among friends, that is alright and can be sorted through. I think that some discussions get to be more like private conversations and that puts some people off.

IE, What do you think are the reasons?

I feel this site is great for socializing with people in their 40's and older but I think people are also looking to meet other people for dating also. Maybe there needs to be a way to connect if they want to this is a site to meet acceptable people

Maybe some of the cutting, direct and personal remarks that are sometimes made...at relative strangers. The name calling can be awful.

TIE

How many are leaving? Call me nieve but I haven't noticed. Is it thin skin? For me it is a fun free place and if there is a problem put it out and lets discuss it.

I think everyone is here for different reasons and I don't think the format right now is tolerant of that. I think the groups should be highlighted much more, so that everyone will be able to find places where they are comfortable to be who they are.

With the alerts not being engaged and in some cases there being no opportunity to alert at all, people are turning to the general open discussions in order to alert their "fellows" to their posts. I do this.

Nobody will see my post if I put it in one of the gazillions of group posts lost in the bowels of the site. I'm here for interaction and the groups just don't spark much of that, as it is.

Eye has broached a topic that I too have been trying to wrap my mind around and initiate a discussion on. I had been slowed down by wanting to wade through the whole discussion on community to make sure I hadn't missed anything.

I feel like the boundaries here are too permeable - there are clearly different reasons for coming to TBD - two of which seem to come in conflict - those that come to socialize and engage in light chat and those who come for serious, more intensive interaction. I happened upon a close friend here and discovered that we represented these two disparate groups.

It bothers me when interesting discussions get distracted by long threads of silly banter, because it is hard enough to keep up with posts as is. I also enjoy the silly banter at times, but feel like there are places for this and there should be places for serious discussions without ad hominem attacks. The groups are fine, but as noted elsewhere they don't get much publicity and I think Public discussions should also have the chance to be serious.

To combine this with at least one other thread I have noticed about loneliness and the desire for friendship, it seems to me that some of us here do want to form lasting, in depth friendships by exchanging opinions and giving support. (Not all of us live in a large city where we have access to crowds of people from which to find like-minded or otherwise stimulating friends.) Many of us are finding ourselves lonely in the second half of our lives. I live in the US and our society does not encourage long term, close relationships. We are over busy, over stressed and no longer have the opportunity to sit in a quiet tavern and actually listen to what others have to say. We have little time to get to know our neighbors and community is hardly modeled anymore because of the tendency to partition our lives into little parcels of activities.

This is not off topic, because part of community is learning to co-exist with the people around one. I was always amazed in German villages about the fact that regardless of people's politics, they cared for each other. They took care of the town drunk even though they didn't love finding him asleep on their lawns. They helped Frau Schmidt out when she broke her leg even if they disagreed with the way she treated her grandson (etc.)

In the Community post someone mentioned the history of groups as "forming, storming, norming and performing." It is time for some norming before too many people leave.

It is time for people to be able to indicate that they want to hold a serious discussion and to be able to do so. (Likewise there should be plenty of space for playful banter also indicated at the beginning of the post.)

It is time for us to have compassion for those around us that post for a variety of reasons. Some of us are needy, self-centered, emotional, flawed (Most of us are in some way), but can we refrain from pointing out the personal flaws as opposed to engaging the actual topic raised?

Why are people leaving? Their feelings are hurt. They are not finding what they came for. They are over-sensitive. They are feeling bullied. They don't feel like they can speak comfortably or safely.

We can do something about this and should try to do it now.

Big Kudos to You, WS!

And, I was touched by your reference to German villages. My Mother was from Germany; I still have family there and you are correct about how they look after each other. My grandma is 88 years old and her neighbors check on her every day and always have.